My Beautiful Failure by Janet Ruth Young

Ebook format, epub, 256 pages
Published November 13th 2012 by Atheneum Books for Young Readers
Rating 4/5

Are you feeling suicidal? No? That's a relief
Are you feeling suicidal? Yes, kinda...
Breath... Breath... Go out and scream to anyone near you...

That's the life of Billy Morrison Jr for his volunteer job. He's just 16 but he dreams to be a great psychologist. That answers why he joins suicidal hotline. Anyone, in any age, who have a tendency to commit suicide, they could call this hotline. In this social service, Billy and friends are called the Listeners. Those who call are Incomings. And those who get in the brink of suicidal are Likely. Some rules follow the Listeners, about not telling about who they are, the problems of the Incomings, staying anonimous for the Incomings, in short, anything dealing with suicidal hotline will always stay shut from outside.

Billy got some regular Incomings, he can get forty Incomings in his shift. Jenney is the girl he finally feels comfortable to chat with. Jenney calls anytime she has problems or when she feels good of something. Her problems towards her parents seem go hand in hand with Billy who keeps worrying about his dad. His dad used to get depressed the whole year that took the whole family to care of him. This time, his dad shows unbelievably enthusiastic to his long lost hobby, painting. He spends the day, the savings, even his heart to his project, painting gallery of his own. Billy gets worried so much that he considers his dad suffers from bipolar.

Jenney with her problems about her parents, Billy his being worried too much about his dad. As a Listener, Billy is up to anyone's problems, but with Jenney, he sometimes neglects the rules. He switches turn with Jenney, he is the Incoming to Jenney, and Jenney as Listener. He feels like Jenney completes him that he falls for her.

She was a girl talking to me in the dark.

Billy dreams of meeting Jenney in person. The D day is set. The day when his dad has his show, something that has been distracting him. He anticipates any girl coming to the show, but Jenney doesn't show up.

This is my first encounter with the author. Actually, I have stored this ebook for a long time, but then I lost interest to read it since I thought it would be a kind of Beautiful Disaster. But then, I found myself wrong about it. It is a story of family, friendship, trust, and humanity. The way Billy cares about his dad is touching yet a bit bothering, since he seems to exaggerate the situation. Gordon, Billy's bestfriend, turns out to be an ideal bestfriend (for me), the love Billy feels to Jenney is perceivable. Who wouldn't fall for each other when you can talk freely regardless any barriers you might find. I even like the nickname Jenney gives to Billy, Hallmark :)) . One thing I still miss from the story is the tittle, using the word Beautiful gives me high hope that this novel would end .... (spoiler alert). But then, it turns out I am mistaken. I feel lost reading the last page. I wish I could call The Listener so I could spill out my thought about it. Well, I somehow remember someone, long ago, who was there listening to me, and I was to him.

Do you choose the way to remember someone? No, you remember them the last way you saw them, until you make that go away and replace it with something else (page 249).

It indeed makes me sink.... Hikssss.. (less)